


Help Me Pt. 14

by WinterReadingerDixon67



Series: Help Me: On Hiatus : NOT ABANDONED [14]
Category: Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Angst and Feels, Bucky Barnes Angst, Bucky's finding answers, F/M, Not Happy, Not Steve Friendly, POV Alternating, Protective Bucky Barnes, So much angst, Steve needs a wake up call, Time Skips, Winter Soldier Bucky Barnes, also Winters not happy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-12
Updated: 2018-01-12
Packaged: 2019-03-03 23:02:16
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,842
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13351335
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WinterReadingerDixon67/pseuds/WinterReadingerDixon67
Summary: Bucky’s refusing to give in and decides to get to bottom of Steve’s secret. But is Steve still willing to take the risk or will he finally come to his senses?





	Help Me Pt. 14

**Author's Note:**

> Right, so I hope ya’ll ready for this, cause it’s gonna get tense and as per the warnings it’s not going to be Steve friendly for a bit. Also….you get to meet Winter in this part as well. Let me know what you think!

* * *

 

Y/N and I were in the kitchen making breakfast for the others when FRIDAY notified us when the others landed on the pad. 

“Pardon the interruption, but it appears they have returned from the mission. Shall I send them up?” From my peripheral vision, I could see Y/N calmly cutting the fruit with a slight tremor in her hands. I myself was standing rigid, knowing full well Steve would most likely start something when he sees her. Like he always does. 

“Have them clean up first FRIDAY, they can debrief afterward,” Tony informed him as he filled his mug with more coffee. He looked towards me with a knowing look. “Gives us some time to get ready also.”

“Got it, Boss.” 

“Thank you, Tony, for...for doing that,” I said softly as I went back to taking care of the eggs, noting Y/N having shifted closer to me. 

“No worries Frosty, Y/N’s family and we protect family. Just gotta face this shit storm first.” Clint and Bruce murmured in agreement from where they sat at the table. It helped that we had some on our side, but the thought of having to run into hiding with Y/N was beginning to creep in. I would do anything to protect her, Winter would do anything. 

Y/N and I were just placing the food on the table when I felt the air shift. Out of pure instinct, I placed myself in front of her just as Sam and Natasha walked in. They looked at us five and gave us all kind smiles. Sam broke the silence first. 

“Morning! Y/N I hope you were the one to do the eggs, ya know Bucks is always trying to find ways to poison me.”

“Shut up Birdman, if I wanted to poison you, you’d be dead already.” I snarked back at him, smiling when I saw him freeze, eyes going wide. 

“Bucky made the eggs, Sam, but you’ll be fine. We bought poison free Grade A eggs fresh from the market.” Y/N replied in amusement. Sam just shook his head smiling as he sat down with Natasha, who took her place beside Clint.

“I swear, sometimes,” he mumbled as he ate his eggs warily, but soon ignored the possible food poisoning and continued to eat. Nat gave me a small nod, letting me know that they were okay before thanking Clint for the toast with a smile. It wasn’t much longer until Steve came walking in and helping himself to some food, but not before sending Y/N a cold hard glare. I slipped my hand under her shirt, knowing she’d want skin to skin contact to keep her grounded. Her back was rigid as soon as he walked in and kept it together throughout breakfast. Not once looking up to meet Steve’s glare. From an untrained eye, she looked calm, however to a trained one, she looked as if she wanted to bolt out of the room. 

\------------------

I left Y/N to catch up with Natasha, letting them have a girls night. Knowing that it would help ease her mind from what happened yesterday. 

_ “You could join us if you want Bucky, you do have the perfect hair length for some braids,” Nat said as she plopped down on the floor gracefully next to Y/N.  _

_ I shivered, “No thanks, knowing you, you’d probably just chop it all off and call it a day. Nah, I think I’ll leave you with your nails, hair and spa time. I’m gonna blow off some steam though,” I replied to Nat, who just shrugged with a smirk. I knelt down to kiss Y/N before I left, knowing she’d be safe with Nat. “Stay with Nat, alright? I’ll be up in a few hours. Let JARVIS know if you need me.”  _

_ She kissed me back before smiling, “I’ll be here, love you.” _

_ “Love you too, doll.” _

It’s not like I wouldn’t have joined them, but the thought of my hair being curled, face masks and nails done made me cringe. No, this is where I wanted to be. Just me and the bag, nothing else. That was until Steve decided he would join me. I chose to ignore his presence and continue with my workout. If he wanted to talk to me, he’d have to make the first move. 

“We need to talk.” Ha, ‘course we need to talk, but you’re not going to listen to what I have to say. So I ignored him.

“Bucky, seriously, we really need to talk.”

“Then talk, I got ears.” I snapped out in annoyance.

“Face to face Buck, I don’t want to be talking to a brick wall.” Brick wall? Huh, least that’s still holding up. Wish my patience wasn’t wearing thin though. So I indulge him and hold the bag steady to my side as I turn around slightly, still not face to face, so he’d have to deal with it. 

“Alright, talk. Gonna tell ya right now I might choose to block a few things.” I respond stiffly, just wanting this conversation to be over with right now. 

“She needs to go and by go, I mean leave the tower.” I groan, resisting the urge to roll my eyes.

“Seriously? Steve, we’ve been over this. She ain’t leavin’.”

“You’re not thinking clearly about this, Bucky. So make a choice, either she leaves the tower or she’ll be transported to Wakanda. Permanently.” He was clearly asking for it. Why couldn’t he just understand that she was here to stay? To stay with me, whether he liked it or not. My hands turned into fists as I shook my head. 

“No. No, she ain’t leavin’ Steve. I don’t care what you say, but she ain’t leavin’. It’s either she stays or I leave with her.”

“I can’t let that happen, Buck, she has to go. She’s using you, how many times do I have to tell you? Hydra made damn well sure she’d get any and all information she could gather from us. And she’s using you as the main source!” Before Steve could finish his whole ramble hate speech, I took three long strides across the room and bashed my fist against his face. Watching gleefully as he stumbled a bit from the force. I punched him again and again, each one harder than the first. 

“Don’t. You. Ever. Say. That.” I made sure to add a few kicks as well, making sure to aim them towards his ribs, face, any weak spots that would slow him down. I slammed my fist into his face once more before standing up straighter, chest heaving. Steve breathing heavily on his hands and knees. 

“At least with her, I can  _ feel _ things and fuckin’ want to do things every day. I can  _ do _ things Steve, I can sleep in, eat peanut butter straight out of the jar, breathe and eat when I want to. When I was with Hydra, I didn’t have to feel, didn’t need to. I was just given missions, eliminate the target and do whatever else was needed. No emotional strings attached. But with Y/N, I want to feel. I get to feel my heart burst whenever she laughs, I lose my breath every time she smiles at me.” I glared down at the man that used to be my friend and it hurt. I didn’t know this Steve anymore. I sure as hell am not the same Bucky he used to know. That man died when he fell off the train and he wasn’t coming back, no matter how hard Steve tried. “And if I have to leave with her to keep doin’ that? Then don’t think for a fuckin’ second that I won’t leave without her.”

“And as your friend, I’m going to make sure you’re safe.” With that, Steve charged at me, a huge mass of muscle colliding with mine as we tumbled to the floor. My head flew back as he punched my jaw, giving him the chance to grab my wrists and pin them to my sides. Using my head, I rammed it into his face, knocking him off me with my feet. 

“When will you understand that I’m already safe?” Speaking loudly, already done with this bullshit. 

“When the threat is gone and I know you’re safe. You don’t know what she can do, Buck.” He replied, standing up already prepared to go another round if need be.

“Oh, and you do? Do tell me, Steve, what else can she do that I don’t already fuckin’ know about?” I looked him straight in the eye, waiting for him to respond. 

“She can make you go under, for you to be refrozen for those sons of bitches. She’ll be assisting them when they wipe you again when they re-control you.” I could feel my breath start to quicken at his words. Memories came flying back, me being in the chair, the orders they gave me, the lives he took withering away right before his eyes. The pain. Nothing but pain. 

“Don’t…,” I couldn’t help but feel a little bit useless, I was getting overwhelmed by the past that it started to cloud my judgment. If I didn’t retake my control, Steve would win and I wasn’t going to let him. “Don’t talk about things you know nothing about.”

Steve just looked at me with cold, hard, blue eyes. “I know plenty Bucky, enough to know that I am right in what I stand for. Either she leaves, or I’ll have SHIELD send her on a permanent assignment in Wakanda. Away from you.” I watched as he left the room, bloody and clutching at his ribs. But there was something in his eyes that was unsettling. I knew he wasn’t telling me everything and that thought alone sent a curdling feeling to my stomach.

\------------------

The next few days were torture. I was agitated, irritated with everything and everyone. I spent most of my time down at the gym rather than around the others. I couldn’t sleep and food meant little to me. But most importantly, that curdling feeling never left. I could sense something was off with Steve, from the way he acted around the others, how his eye twitched when he saw Y/N and me together. 

“Barnes?” I was pulled out of my thoughts when I noticed Tony looking at me paled face, a hint of concern, mixed with panic filled his eyes. I looked down at my hand to notice it holding what was left of the chair arm in its grasp. I was so deep in my own thoughts that I never registered what I was actually doing. Releasing the remnants of the chair, I slumped back away from Tony. Not wanting to accidentally injure him in any way. 

“Uh, sorry, ‘bout the chair,” I mumbled softly, turning my eyes away from him. Hating myself for losing my control so easily. 

“Um, it’s, it’s okay, never liked it much anyways.” He laughed forcefully, his hands twitching at his sides. Itching to call the suit if need be. “But uh, you okay though? What happened just then?” He sat down at his desk, watching as I slid down to the floor. Making myself as small and non-threatening as I could. 

“I’m fine? I don’t know, I just got stuck in my own head. It hasn’t happened in awhile.” Tony hummed in understanding, still not moving from his seat though. I wouldn’t blame him. 

“This have to do anything with Steve?” I immediately tensed when he brought him up. The feeling in my stomach intensified, I was more than convinced that there was something he wasn’t telling me. 

“I need the location of that base they went to.” 

“Uh...what?” This time I looked up at Tony, hands clenched on my knees. 

“Their past mission, the location, what is it?” Tony looked at me for a few seconds, eyes widening slightly when he started to connect some of the dots. 

“You don’t think he would…?”

“He would, coordinates. Now. I want to leave within the hour.” Turning around abruptly, he had FRIDAY bring up the location of where Steve, Sam, and Nat went to a few days ago. I remembered it instantly, I had to drop off a scientist there before. Never been inside it much, but I had a good memory of it. 

“Send Y/N down here.” Tony noticing how tense I was, and didn’t hesitate to have FRIDAY call her down. A few minutes later, a worried Y/N came rushing out of the elevator. 

“Bucky? Are you okay? Did something-” She cut herself off as took me in. I could tell she was taking in my aura and how it was causing her to shake. How she was holding back the need to use her powers to calm me down. I took her face in my hands, gently, feeling calmer just by her presence. 

“Doll, I need you to listen and listen good. Alright?” Once she nodded, I kissed her softly, “You need to stay down here until I get back.”

“Why?” Both Tony and Y/N asked. 

“ ‘Cause I have to leave for a few hours and I don’t trust, I don’t-I can’t...I can’t protect you when I’m not here.” I glanced over her shoulder at Tony. “So the safest place for you is right here. He and FRIDAY will be able to protect you better down here.”

“This has to do with Steve doesn’t it?” Pulling her into my chest, I breathed her in, not ever wanting to let her go. 

“I don’t know Y/N, but I’m gonna find out.” I lead her to the couch, wrapping the blanket there around her shoulders. “Protect her, Tony, especially from Steve.” Tony nodded already setting up the protocols with FRIDAY.

“Why the others?” I looked back at Y/N. 

“Because I need them to stay away from you. The need to protect you is strong, wanting you safe and that right now is right here. I’ve done a damn good job and suppressing Winter all these years, but he’s persistent. You’re our mission and we need you safe. You need to promise me Y/N, promise me you’ll never leave this room until I come back to get you.” Y/N’s eyes filled with concern, but she agreed anyway. 

“I promise Buck, but promise me you’ll come back to me.”

“Always doll, I’ll always come back to you.” I kissed her again before I made my way to the elevator, hearing the locks click into place. Sighing heavily knowing that at least she was safe. I headed straight towards the armory, gathering my things and anything else I might need before heading into the quinjet. 

“Hey Buckaroo, Tony here, if you find anything and I mean anything, bring it back with you. Oh, and Y/N says come back in one piece.” 

“I’ll radio you when I’m heading back, keep my girl safe Tones.”

“You got it, Barnes.”

\---------------------

You and Tony shared a concerned look, Bucky hasn’t acted like this for so long. Disconnected, detached from others, but yet even more aware of his surroundings. You knew Winter was a part of him, has been ever since his programming, but he’s never made a move to surface for years. The longer you thought about it, the more it made sense. 

When you entered Tony’s lab, you were immediately hit with such a warning aura, you could literally taste it. It seemed to surround Bucky in a light black fog that threatened to overwhelm you. Not only that, but his posture portrayed his fury along with Winters. Whatever was going on in his head wasn’t good and was bound to have him do something drastic. If Winter was being persistent like Bucky said, then it means that Bucky’s going to let him do what needs to be done. 

What exactly, you weren’t sure. 

“Is, is he going to be okay?” You asked Tony softly, looking back out the window watching the speck of the quinjet disappearing behind the horizon.

“I don’t know Y/N, but I have a feeling he’s going to need all the help he can get when he comes back.” Together you and Tony chatted, worked in the lab to pass the time. Letting Tony distract your mind with his technical jargon about Dum-E, U and his suits, rather than what Bucky was going after. 

\----------------

After a few hours, I prepped the jet into stealth mode as I reached the coordinates. It looked so different from above, hovering over the snow covered trees rather than weaving in between the trees. Finding a clearing, I landed the jet, having FRIDAY lock it down after I leave. I grabbed my gear and headed off towards the location. 

First time in a long time, I dug up the connection I’ve buried in the deepest part of me. It was as if meeting an old friend. 

**‘It’s been a long time, Barnes.’**

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> Ok, so school's started again so I won't be posting as much as I wanted. BUT I'll try to post stuff every weekend, considering that's when I have a lot of downtime, in the meantime enjoy all this angst. I'm also working on several other series so I'm all over the place right now. XD
> 
> Stay warm and safe with this weather peeps!


End file.
